Pitch 101, Part 2 - Styles & Components

This is Part 2 of Pitch 101.

Previously we talked about the Mindset and principal ingredients of the pitching. Today, we're going deeper. Not quite Inception deeper, but definitely more intensive with our exploration of pitching.

What I have for you today is 3 kinds of pitches and what they're made of. There are in fact more than 3 types of pitches, but I thought it easier to explain these three rather than just dummy up five or six examples and pick them apart. I would rather you learn to build your own than just learn how to knock down existing structures.

Type I: The Emotional Pitch

Designed to answer the question "Why should I pick up this product over a competitor/alternate choice?" The emotional pitch deals more in emotion and sweeping the listening audience into a feeling or state of interest by using more evocative rather than declarative language.

A Sample Emotional Pitch
"Superman is a movie where the character is...super. Fighting for truth, justice and the American way, we follow the nearly impervious Man of Tomorrow as he goes toe-to-toe with Lex Luthor his greatest opponent. With every leap and flight into the air, you'll believe again in what makes good versus evil so compelling."

Yes, that's not my best pitch. It's sort of last minute, as I was originally going to pitch you a product that isn't on shelves yet, then decided it's probably not a good idea to reveal it, since it's not actually my product.

But let's take a look at the above paragraph and see what we have. Whenever you want to build a pitch (or deconstruct one) look for USPs (Unique Selling Points, we talked about them in Part 1). In an Emotional Pitch, also look for the 'appeal to the audience' and the 'emotional language'.

The 'appeal to the audience' is where the pitch either talks directly to the audience or makes a claim that satisfies a presumed audience need.

The 'emotional language' is usually the adjectives or phrases that make the audience feel something. The 'something' is deliberately chosen (Happy language makes you feel happy....etc) and is most often a stumbling block in pitch construction because authors/creators think a sentence or phrase conveys one feeling, when in fact, it says something different.

So, what do we have here?

USPs

• Fighting for truth, justice, the American way
• nearly impervious alien character, Superman
• has an arch-nemesis, Lex Luthor
• Superman leaps and flies

Appeal to the Audience

• "WE follow"
• "You'll believe"

Emotional Language

• "You'll believe again in what makes good versus evil so compelling"
• Fighting for truth justice and the American way presumes those things aren't present enough in society
• An alien character leads us to project onto him our deeper desires and interests - we'll humanize him

An emotional pitch is great for getting people to pick up your product over a competitor's, or for demonstrating that you're passionate about the product, without having to expose any sense that maybe you're not comfortable talking about 'what's under the hood'. You don't need a deeper level of mechanical understanding to operate an Emotional pitch successfully. Passion wins. 

Type II. The Mechanical (or Practical) Pitch

Designed to go into the substance of the product, the Mechanical Pitch extols the facts of the product as USPs. It answers the question, "What does this product have that other products like it (or other products I'll see later) don't have?" and it indirectly answers, "Why should I own this product?"

This is most often the pitch used for selling now or used cars (for example), because it's easier to construct than an Emotional pitch and allows the creator some distance between themselves and the audience. 

A Sample Mechanical Pitch

"The Pyromatic 6000 is the tool of the future, the indispensable device that will reduce yard work to a fraction of the time spent by harnessing man's oldest invention: fire! By projecting concentrated jets of super-charged plasma, you'll remove the weeds in your sidewalk, the dead limbs off trees, the old piles of tires and leaves the clutter your precious greenspace. With a revolutionary water-cooled nuclear engine, the Pyromatic 6000 is recharged by a glass, yes that's right, ONE glass of water! Order yours today."

The components of the Mechanical Pitch don't really change. You retain USPs, probably using a lot more of them. Absent is the appeal to the audience (remember, this pitch puts distance between speaker and listener) but it replaced with "claims of use". Gone too is some of the emotional language, swapped out with a "sense of scarcity or urgency". 

"Claims of Use" detail the specific functions or options of the product, giving the audience insight into how it works or where it can be used. The danger is creating hyperbole, which a listener may construe as fact, and then disappointment when your product isn't actually "the greatest thing since sliced bread".

The "Sense of Scarcity or Urgency" is present in a pitch to encourage people to not wait on making a decision. Scarcity and urgency are tools of a "Call to Action", which is the part of salescopy or presentation that (in the words of the guy who taught me this) "gets people off their asses and makes them hand you money for whatever you've done." (Note: Near the end of his life, he stopped saying it was a 'call to action' and starting calling it the 'Fuck you, pay me' moment of writing and presenting. I miss him dearly.)

When a consumer believes a product is hard to find, or that there are few of them and they may miss out, this may lead them to purchase the item sooner rather than later. The danger here is many-fold. You, creator, can assume that they'll run right to your product, and they may not. They may assume they have more time to wait and decide. You may decide that you're not spurring them fast enough because you're impatient or crushingly near-sighted and you've forgotten which one of you is 'in charge' of this buyer-seller relationship (here's a tip: Neither of you is 'in charge', it's a collaborative, cooperative relationship).

Scarcity and Urgency are potential red flags for products, and I urge you to be cautious in using language to suggest or imply quicker consumer decisions. If your product won't actually hold up to scrutiny, why are you rushing? The money, I swear to you, will come. Take the time to make the best product possible, and do whatever is within your budget to prevent having to get underhanded with scare tactics. 

Now let's break this down:

USPs

• The name, Pyromatic 6000, sounds cool
• Reduces the amount of yard work someone has to do
• Shoots concentrated jets of plasma
• Removes weeds
• Repairs trees
• Reduces yard clutter
• Nuclear-engine
• Powered by 1 glass of water

Claims of Use

• Reduces the amount of yard work someone has to do
• Shoots concentrated jets of plasma
• Removes weeds
• Repairs trees
• Reduces yard clutter

Hyperbole

• "Indispensable"
• "tool of the future"
• Reduce yardwork to "a fraction of the time"

Interest-Building

• Order yours today!

Type III. The Thematic Pitch

Combining material of the above two pitches, we conclude today with a Thematic pitch. Designed to answer the question "What experience am I going to have with your product?" or "How does the combination of creator and product interest me?", a Thematic pitch takes the best components from the above pitches and turns them all the way to eleven. Or twelve. Or if you're really cool, infinity plus one. 

A thematic pitch uses a combination of USPs, hyperbole, appeals to the audience and a new element "product tone" to grab the audience securely and keep them paying attention. 

"Product tone" is the mood/feel/vibe of your product. Usually an adjective or string of adjectives it's your theme, honed now into a commercial hook. 

A Sample Thematic Pitch, (this one's for Jenn)

"Are you tired of typical games where it's all about rolling a lot of dice and announcing that you'll use a broadsword plus-your mom to kill the dragon that will likely eat you? Are you tired of having to keep quiet about your plans for world domination? Then this is the solution for you. Project Ninja Panda Taco. As a Mastermind ready to dominate the planet, you and a team of minions race towards success, with only player democracy and other Masterminds between you and sweet glorious victory. In this intensely fun collaborative game for up to six, you can make your fondest desires of despotism come true. Pre-orders available soon, stay tuned to Jennisodes.com for more information."

Here, a good presenter brings all skills to bear. Appealing to audience in a conversational, but not oil-slick way and creating interest by evoking desired emotion or experience. These emotions are supported by USPs and validated through more audience appeal, which prompts more USP generation, and everything cycles forward.

The breakdown:

USPs

• Not a lot of dice rolling
• Not a 'typical game'
• This game is pro-world domination
• A fun game for up to 6 players
• There are Masterminds and Minions
• It is a collaborative game
• Information is available at Jennisodes.com

Appeals to the Audience

• "Are you tired"
• "you'll use a broadsword plus-your mom"
• "this is the solution for you"
• "you can make your fondest desires come true"

Product Tone

• Fun, collaborative, atypical game of world conquest

Claims of Use

• Collaboration, implied without many limits on invention
• This game is fun for up to six players
• You get to be a Mastermind, bent on winning

Hyperbole

• "broadsword-plus your mom"
• "typical games"
• "sweet glorious victory"
• "intensely fun collaborative game"

Interest-Building

• "Pre-orders available soon"

Wow, that's a lot of information. But a good pitch has a lot of components available for dissection, and not of them vestigial. 

What I recommend you do is write out your pitch, even if you're not done developing the product, and start breaking down the components as I've done here. You'll give yourself a nice road map of what you like and don't like and where you need to go. 

It will be annoying, sometimes, but hard work is always rewarded. And yes, before you say anything else, yes you can do this. Honest.

In part 3, (up after the holiday), we'll look at some sample pitches and we'll talk about what the audience hears/reads/interprets from them.

Happy writing, and enjoy your holiday weekend. Unless you're a jerk or something, but if that's the case, then we're not talking. 

Rock on.

Game Design Tool: The Note Card Trick

Note: The following technique for idea development is a variation on my Original Note Card Trick, available in its natural form when you start writing a novel. This version is modified heavily to reflect the complexities and scope of game design.

Go get some note cards. I prefer the standard size, but in a pinch you could use the larger recipe size, or even cut squares of paper. The idea here is that you basically have little boxes to write in (don't use Post-It notes, they stick together and that's actually another technique). As for the number of cards you need, start with at least 24. The most I've ever seen used in this technique was 150, but you should be okay with a few dozen.

They do not have to all be the same color, but if you're the sort of person who wants uniformity in their development, then try and make them all white. Or blue. Or whatever color makes the voices stop screaming in your head.

I'm assuming you have blank cards here or at least 1 side is blank. Please take the top three off the pile you have and label them:

"Players" "World" "GM"

Over the course of this lesson, you're going to fill these piles with the appropriate information. Yes, you're going to write up to 3 statements per note card (If this is your first time, do one to a card), so that it fits into one of these three big categories.

Now, I know what you're thinking - Isn't this just a recopy of the Feel Document? To which I answer - No, if the point was just to make a Feel Document, I wouldn't be teaching other techniques, would I? Do not 'crib' from the Feel Document whenever possible, as you need to start conceiving of those ideas in variable and multiple ways. Also, this is one of those times you get to expand on them.

Note: You don't have to do this all in one sitting, and in fact, if you can, then maybe you need to spend more time thinking and developing. This is as macro and/or as micro a style of creation as you're comfortable, and rushing through this is only going to produce shoddy work. Take your time, the care you put in here is critical to your finished product.

Let's start with the Players pile.

Players

This pile will contain all the facts, data, instructions and chunky bits a player would need to sit down and play the game, from the moment they have it in front of them. You're going to want to be objective about this, as if you're answering the question, "And what can you tell me about players in your game?"

So, the Players pile will have things like:

• character creation rules (or if your game doesn't really pick up until after the players do that, you can just call it "character creation" and move forward)
• any opening gambits the players enter into upon introduction of the game (does everyone wake up on bus? Are we all on a crazy Grecian riverbank holding 2 coins? Or is this game pretty variable?)
• The number, names and types of races/character-types available to the players (are they just tokens on a board? Are they all humans? Are they all mutant animals? Do you offer them 40 different species and 50 different classes/professions?)
• What's the first thing the players will do when they start the game? Also consider what's the first thing YOU want them to do when they start playing?

There's no plot in the Players pile. There shouldn't be, anyway. And in advance of your next question, do the players NEED your plot desperately in order to act? Even in a board game where all they can do is roll a die and then proceed, they still have options. Plot isn't a player requirement. (It's actually a world requirement, which we'll talk about next)

World

This is the setting of the game, the created-world experience, and all the NPC details that exist concurrent to the players. Yes, the players may be noobs, but the rest of the world isn't, is it? It might be Tuesday, the Eight Day of Flooglefog, and the Eve of Saint Carlos' Day. The world still spins even if the players aren't there, I hope you realize. This pile is also objective, and addresses the question, "What's the world like and what's the plot like?"

Note: If you're developing a board game, your World Pile may just have 1 card called "Board Game" in it. 

The World Pile will contain things like:

• The time-period of the setting
• The technological complexity of the world
• The name of the supervillain bent on conquering [insert city name here] by way of [insert name of insidious device here]
• What sort of weather does the world have?
• What sort of gods or belief system does the world have?
• How literate is the average NPC?
• What's the population breakdown like, by percentages? (40% Caucasian humans, 30% dragon cyborg hybrids 30% awesome living sound monsters, etc)
• What's the badguy trying to do? Why? How?

GM

Here's the trickier pile. This pile is a combination of mechanics, written out, as well as feelings and desires you want the GMs to have/convey/understand. Just like most games, this is the pile you don't really need the players to see, but this is more the "behind the screen" side of the game. It answers the question, "What does the GM know that the players don't?"

The GM pile will contain:

• A breakdown of the basic rules for conflict resolution and skill-checks
• A summation of sample combat
• A sentence describing how the players should feel during or because of combat
• The mood the GM should convey when describing the overarching world-plot.
• The mood the GM should convey when the players throw a monkey wrench into the plot
• A few alternate mechanics for resolving the player-instigated problems
• A sentence describing the overall "difficulty" of the world for the player(s) (How forgiving is this world on its inhabitants?)

By now, I've lost some of you, because I've tried to convey in text what is for some people a visual progression. So here now, for the sake of the confused, are some sample cards. Just imagine boxes around the next paragraphs.

PLAYER

1. Start on a boat, in messy rumpled tuxedo/party dress
2. Stats: Strength, Smarts, Sass, all 2d10
3. 1d4 personal items in a pocket/purse

WORLD

1. The sun hasn't shone in twenty years.
2. Time measured in days/weeks/years
3. Most people enjoy parties

GM

1. [Name of Game here] is roll-and-keep, d10s
2. The plot advancement of the game is tied DIRECTLY to what the players discover
3. Game "mystery" elements should feel like old 1930s films

Each of the nine items listed above could go on their own card, and likely should, if you're new at this or if you're trying to be more thorough. 

You could stop here, and use these piles to help your writing and development, and put together an excellent product with many layers. Or you can go one step further, deeper into the development and start tying these threads together. 

What I'm going to explain below you'll do to each pile, but I'll just explain it once, with the Players pile.

Group like-minded ideas together, usually by common idea or term and label the card.

So the Players card above I'd label "Starting Characters" (I'd label either the top or the reverse side if it was blank) because those are elements that come into play at the start of the game. Try to avoid numbering the cards or organizing them obtusely, as these cards are more for your constructed benefit rather than a run of numbers. Having them labelled like that allows for other techniques to be applied, but at the very least, this gives you a sort of loose confederation of ideas as to how the game operates. 

You'll find this time-consuming initially, but I promise you this won't distract from getting your material developed.

Hope this helps you, if you have questions, please ask.

Happy writing.

Game Design Special: The Feel Document

This is a special post, dedicated to one of the elements I talked about at Metatopia, in my workshops and most recently in my Jennisodes interview. The 'Feel' document is NOT my original creation, but it is a useful tool.

What You'll Need For This:

1 piece of paper, legal pad, Word document or similar
1 idea
1 pen
1 favorite beverage

Let's do this.


Step 1. Title your Feel Document At the top of the page, put the name of the idea you want to write about. If you're writing a game, call it the name of the game. If you're doing this about a character in your screenplay, use the character's name. Try to avoid calling this "Feel Document" and then assigning it a number. It's impersonal, and easy to lose focus that way.

Write it large enough so that you can see it. Use 36-point font at least if you're typing this out.

Step 2. Consume part of your favorite beverage. This is really hard work.

Step 3. Start writing. 'Start writing what?' you ask. Onto this paper, into this document you're going to pour ALL-NON-MECHANICAL thoughts related to the idea. In any order. In words. In phrases. In full sentences. Key here is the idea that this isn't where mechanics go. (If you're writing a novel or screenplay, then you replace the word 'mechanics' for 'plot')

The paper should have things like:

• Descriptions of the setting. (If you're creating the feel of your world)
• Adjectives that players would use to describe the game (again for the feel of the world
• Words to describe characters (if you're using this for characters)
• Any idea that develops the atmosphere, tone or evokes a sense
• Sample dialogue

For example, if I'm writing a novel about a lumberjack, my Feel Document looks like this:

Chops of Doom

• Burly
• Plaid
• Lots of sap
• Tall trees
• Women's clothing
• Mounties
• Cold weather
• "It'll be a cold day in hell before I use a chainsaw."

You want to keep plot and mechanics out of this document, because this is more about developing the creative side. You want to be able to draw scenes and compile an evoked experience from this document, so that as you're writing, and you get stuck, or when you come back to this project after a break, this document will snap you right back to the vibe you want to put down on the manuscript. 

Note: Plot and Mechanics get their own documents, which I'll likely cover later.

Step 4. Have some of that beverage. 

Step 5. Finish the beverage! 

A Feel document is a living reference tool, you can come back to it and expand it as the need arises. And you will discover that as you pursue different avenues of thought, a lot of the planning and ideas you started with will change. That's okay. That's a good sign. The issue is when start changing the Feel document more than the manuscript.

Things To Remember

I. This Feel document is just for you. You don't have to share this with other people, and it doesn't have to be "perfect".
II. This Feel document is NOT set in stone. It's going to grow and develop as the story does, so don't think it has to be 100% complete before you move onto the next step.
III. When you get stuck, whether in writing, mechanics, plot, pacing or whatever....come back to the Feel document. The words here will help get back into a better creative mode and you'll find your solutions.

Happy writing.