Pitch 101 - Part 5: Common Pitch Problems

This is part 5 of an on-going series.

You've come far in this series. We started off learning about the mindset and the basic building block of pitches, the USP (Unique Selling Point), we learned about pitch styles, then the velcro theory and last week we autopsied a pitch to see how one is built from the ground up.

I could end the series now, call it the most popular thing I've ever put on a blog and move on to talking about something else. And, yes, as some of you emailed me, maybe I should. But there's one more stretch of road to talk about, and if I'm going to end this series on the high note I think it deserves, then we have to talk about problems commonly found in pitches.

Yes, I know, there are TONS of variations on the ideas I'm exploring here, but I'm asking you to distill your problems down, concentrate them and strip out the subjective circumstantial material and find the flaw-nugget at the heart of the problem.

I believe there are 6 core problems with pitches, and that the majority of rejections, critiques and thumbs-down all stem from them. I'll outline each, give an example, and a solution.(Yeah this could be a long post, buckle up.)

Note: These problems are not offered in any order of common to least common, or easiest to hardest, they're just....six possible problems.

I. Not getting to the action fast enough. A good pitch uses an economy of words (we'll revisit this idea a lot today), usually between a range 200 and 300 (I like to aim for a sweet spot between 250 and 280), but you can always use fewer if your phrasing is tight (I've seen great pitches done in 60 words). Even with that range, which sounds like a lot (it isn't, it's about a page worth of text, 4 paragraphs maybe), if you don't engage the audience (either evocatively or dynamically), they're not going to want to keep reading or listening to whatever you're saying.

Example: In 1984, Sarah was adopted by Louise and Greg, who lived on a small farm outside Wichita, where they raised cows and grew wheat and lived well. Louise and Greg were a happy couple, never fighting too loud or feeling trapped under some big terrible bills. The farm was successful without being prosperous, and Sarah was very loved and popular and a good student at school. Everything is just great about Sarah, except that she's really a time-traveling death robot sent back in time to prevent the next American Civil War.

Okay, so it's 1984, and these two people adopt a girl, and they live on a farm. I'm already yawning but I'll keep reading, just one more sentence. Oh, they're a happy couple without flaws? That pitch is better than Nyquil. Chances are, the audience checks out about half-way into that second sentence. The fact that she's a death robot is lost. The fact that there will be a second Civil War is also lost.

Solution - Lead with a strong punch. If you have a lot of USPs, this isn't difficult, as you have a lot of options to plug in throughout your pitch. If you're a little thin on USPs, and you can't generate any more, then make sure they're front and center in the pitch. Hit the audience with them, hook them, and get out quickly, before people realize you've only got the two good bullets.

II. Not getting the audience to a character/vibe/POV fast enough. It's not enough to have action (otherwise most pitches would be like those action-sound-effect words from campy Batman), you need to tether the action to something else to make it matter. Who's doing the action? What's the tone caused by the action? What's the tone caused by the consequences of the action? If it's unclear, and leaves the audience scratching their head more than shaking it along with you, then you're going to face rejection.


Example: War! Two raging clans battle in post-apocalyptic Ohio, salvaging whatever raw materials they can to survive the cold nights, radioactive animal attacks and the on-going blood feud between their families that has gone on since before the first mushroom cloud bloomed. No one remembers what started the feud, but people suspect it had something to do with love.

Yeah, that's the whole pitch. If I had to describe with a single word, I'd call it "vague", because even though it's got some racy language (there's a war and a blooming cloud and love), it doesn't actually say anything.

Solution - A two-part strategy - Engage & Lead. Using a combination of USP and evocative language, get the audience's attention and steer them along the path that leads them progressively deeper into your creation and closer to saying 'yes'. Provoke them into thinking and feeling, and tie your actions to characters (and motivations), and make the conflict or goal feel real. Make it interesting! Make the audience care and want to be a part of the experience you're proposing. You can even go one step further and treat the pitch like a movie camera, zooming and racking us into hard focus with a character or scene to immediately connect the audience with a character or idea.

III. Giving too much setup, not enough payoff. Pitches are a tricky balance between informing and intriguing the audience, no matter the media. And the more invested you might be in something, the harder it is for you to have a sense of what is or isn't working in a pitch.

Note: I did not say what's 'good' or 'right' in a pitch because you cannot think of a pitch in terms of the binary good/bad or acceptable/unacceptable or worst (and most vague) okay/not okay. Pitches are more variable and dynamic than that, and there are lots of ways to accomplish the goal - it's more a matter of efficacy and ease for the pitch-giver.

By giving a lot of extraneous detail, and not providing any hooks (remember your Velcro theory) gives the audience nothing to pay attention to or care about. The result is a lost audience.

Example - My board game, 57 Chances To Murder Your Spouse, is a collaborative story-telling game of alibis and plotting where players take turns crafting the best way to receive insurance money without the pesky court trial and corpse discovery. This game was created after my eleventh argument with my spouse, and if you're like me, you're probably wondering why they don't listen to a damned word I say either. I mean all the time, I just asked them for help. Would they swallow this pill and tell me what happens? Could they take this hair dryer into the bathroom with them? Where did they leave the keys? You know, spouse stuff. I've been trying for eight years to get this game produced and I'm sure my hard work has created a product that will absolutely revolutionize Family Game Night. 

Solution - Stick to what matters. What matters are the USPs and the emotions you want to instill in your audience. The path you took to reach the point where you could pitch may make for interesting anecdotes or great personal revelations, but it is not a factor for an audience, as nearly everyone can/does spin their story to be the most emotional. What should be emotional is the game (or product) experience itself.

IV. Expecting the audience to "get it" If you've developed something, it's assumed that you're telling interested parties. If you've got a script to sell, you're probably not telling the clown at your son's birthday party. If you've written a novel, the guy who puts the price tag on the pork chops is not going to publish your book. You know who your audience is, but there is a further assumption underneath that - that they will understand what you're talking about.

Specifically, you're not giving them the details relevant to your pitch's concept, because you're assuming they've heard it all before.

Example - My novel is 95,000 words, and has to do with a man, a shovel and his desire to own all the Twinkies. The lonely guy is going to do this because of love. And stuff.

Solution - Now, yes, maybe they have, but the big problem here is that you're doing the thinking for them. Stop assuming the audience has enough information to make the conclusions you need or want them to make, and guarantee they'll connect the dots the way you want by giving them crystal-clear and precise details, without preamble, fluff or excessive sentiment.

V. Beating the dead horse. If you've got few USPs, and even one or two USPs that are much stronger than rest, it is very tempting to use them over and over again to make multiple points. Even by stretching or altering the language, you're still trotting out the same idea to serve many masters.

Example - In my movie, Fisheyes McSweeney 2: Make Easter My Bitch, our hero Fisheyes is released from jail, two years after trying to murder Santa Claus at the suggestion of his black adoptive grandmother. Now Fisheyes is out, and he has to save his buddy Stu from a horrible fate - Easter Dinner. Fisheye's rollicking quest launches him back into action, better than the time he tried to kill Santa. In the end, you'll say, "Fisheyes, I believe in you."

Solution - Remember that there's more than facts to a pitch. Yes, (Dragnet-style) just the facts is a good approach, up to a point, but without emotion to guide and intention to lead, facts are bland and easily worn out. Your facts plus how you want people to feel plus how you feel crafts a good body for your pitch. There's no wrong way to do what you're doing, so feel free to includes facts of all sizes great and small to serve your ends.

VI. Sounding desperate - Pitching is tough and scary, I know. It gets worse when you start thinking about how little speaking experience you may have or just how important this pitch is or how long you may have to wait to get another opportunity and the next thing you know you'reracingthroughallyourwordsandtryingnottosayum.

Example - My novel, Arrow To The Knee, is the story of a man's adventure cut tragically short after an archery accident. It's available in 10 parts on my blog and it's a prequel to my upcoming series 'Now I Guard a Jarl' and I really think you'll enjoy it because it touches on themes we all like, like guarding and Jarls and knees. This is my first attempt at publication, because normally, in my day job, I'm a professional data processor, I process professional data, and my librarian friend said that I should totally talk to you about my book and writing because I'm a writer and you're someone who works with writers and I think this is a great relationship to have. 

Solution - Remember that you have more than one chance, ever. When trying to get things published or produced, or when trying to improve in whatever field you're in, you're going to face some adversity and get rejected. People are going to say no, not because you're a horrible person deserving punishment, but because your pitch didn't make them want to say yes. And if person A, B or C reject you, you still have D, E and F to talk to. Even if you run all the way through the list of people, you can always go back to your project, make changes and resubmit again. Remember Rule #3: You're never stuck/trapped, you always have options.

We've reached the end of Pitch 101, and if you go through this series and make good use of the material, you're prepared to tackle a lot of opportunities. Yes, for the curious, there is a Pitch 201, which will very likely end up on this blog eventually, but for now, I think I've drowned you in enough words. The real work begins now.

What are you going to do with this information? That's what matters. Will it help you? Will you shrug it off because it sounds complicated? Will you ignore it because ten other sources have said similar things?

I end today with a reminder of Rule #1 - Writing is the act of making decisions. That includes the decisions about whether to write or not or whether to pitch or not.

Make great decisions.

Happy writing.

Pitch 101 - Part 4: Pitch Autopsy

This was actually part of Part 3, which you can read here. It got its own section when I realized how long that post would be.

Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 of this series are also worth your time.

Note: What follows are sample pitches I created for this post - they ARE NOT actual client pitches.
Note 2: They may be pitches I wished actual clients had used.
Note 3: Yes, I got their permission.

If you've been following along, you should be aware of and comfortable with USPs (Unique Selling Points), pitch styles and Velcro Theory (which was just introduced in the last section, but operates on the idea that a pitch hooks into particular interests of the audience).

Previously, we talked about our Eskimo Tim (Assassin who has to kill a senator) property. Let's look at a sample pitch for the novel. (You may recognize this as a query letter, which is a pitch, written down.)

The corrupt senator Aloysius Fedora is about to engineer his largest political coup to date - an oil pipeline from Alaska all the way to Arizona, with all the contracts going to his company, EvilDoucheCorp. This pipe will run from the frozen north to the scorching desert, bringing black liquid wealth thousands of miles. 


But that pipe ran into a problem. A small village of Eskimos sits where a critical part of the pipe goes. And in the village, there is one Eskimo not ready to move.


Eskimo Assassin Tim is about to run muckluck first into EvilDoucheCorp and slice it to ribbons.

Yeah, that's a rotten pitch. Let's make it not suck. Drag that bloated word-corpse to the table, and get ready to learn how to dissect your pitch.

Step 1: Write your pitch down. In full sentences. And paragraphs. As if it counted.
Step 2: Don't judge it, just write it down.

I combine these two steps because you're not going anywhere until you can get them both accomplished. You may need to refer back to Step 2 often to get Step 1 done, which is okay. This isn't the part where you edit the pitch as you write, this is where you just lay it out, all messy and not-how-you-want-it, so that we can in subsequent steps, make it better.

Bring our pitch back. And hand me a knife.

The corrupt senator Aloysius Fedora is about to engineer his largest political coup to date - an oil pipeline from Alaska all the way to Arizona, with all the contracts going to his company, EvilDoucheCorp. This is a great establishing, expositive sentence. 

 This pipe will run from the frozen north to the scorching desert, bringing black liquid wealth thousands of miles. This is still good, and even has a little cute turn of phrase.


But that pipe ran into a problem. Red flag #1 - This is a cliche. And it's a poor bridge to whatever comes next, as most cliches are.

A small village of Eskimos sits where a critical part of the pipe goes. And in the village, there is one Eskimo not ready to move. While these two statements are true, and good, they're also incredibly boring ways to relay this information. If I wanted to sleep, I'd go watch War Horse or listen to parade commentary. Boring sentences, especially when words count, the way they do in a query, will kill your pitch.


Eskimo Assassin Tim is about to run muckluck first into EvilDoucheCorp and slice it to ribbons. I like this sentence. I also like the idea about running muckluck first. Not happy with the dull 'slice it to ribbons' bit, but we can rewrite it.

I know, I'm basically asking you to be objective about your own work so as to dissect it. And I know you're going to be blind to a lot of the red flags, errors, weak spots and loose connections in your pitch. This is why we get step 3.

Step 3: Get someone else to read your pitch. Get someone who knows pitches. Sales professionals, consultants, editors, writers...people in the industry you're pitching to - that's who you need to chat with for step 3.

If you can't find anyone, email me. Put 'Pitch 101' in the subject of the email, and we'll talk your pitch through. Seriously.

Now, wait, maybe you're going to tell me that you did find people who knew pitches, but they didn't help you. And I'll ask you, who did you talk to about your novel (for example), and you'll tell me you talked to a librarian.

And when I'm done laughing, I'll say that a librarian knows books the way a consumer knows books - via popularity or similarity. They don't know how to take your idea and make it excel or how to amplify it so that it can then become popular or super-successful.

Oh, and then you'll say you've taken your script and given it to your three friends who go to the movies all the time, and that one time about fifteen years ago they all wanted to be Kevin Smith, so they know. Oh sure they know. They know what not to do, they know where the potholes were in the road forward. But if you want to get past the potholes, find the people who found the potholes, patched them (or are patching them) and kept driving. Yes, such people exist. And you should go seek them out.

Step 4: Rebuild/Rewrite your pitch to make the USPs stand out, while remembering your velcro.

The success of your pitch isn't only the charisma you have, you need to back it up with substance. That substance is your USPs. If you're more formula minded, try this:

Good pitch = USPs + Charisma + Hooks + Receptive Awareness

We'll talk more about that formula in Part 5 of the series, but for now, understand that you can immediately control what the USPs are and how they're presented to the audience. Do you build tension in your voice when talking about the tense parts? Do you race through way too quickly because you're nervous? Do you skip around all over the place because, 'you're so ADD, lol'? (Please don't ever write a professional email and use 'lol' in it. PLEASE.)

Let's rebuild Eskimo Tim's pitch:


In two days, EvilDoucheCorp will run a pipeline right through Eskimo Tim's village. In two days, the ancient Eskimo ways will be gone, replaced by gallons of liquid wealth, fattening the pockets of Senator Aloysius Fedora. 


All that culture, gone. And it's not just mucklucks and seal clubbing. Eskimos are also Assassins. And Tim is one of a long line of proud killers for hire. 


In two days, the village will be destroyed. In three days, EvilDoucheCorp will come to know that Eskimos have 40 words for snow and 41 words for murder.


BLOOD OF THE SNOWMAN is a novel of 92,000 words.

See how much more compelling that is? We added a time element (the two/three days bit), toyed with Eskimo knowledge (40 words for snow) and kept the mucklucks.

We made the product matter for our audience. We gave them a reason to keep their eyes moving down through the pitch. We made the story engage them, not just lie flat on its back like a bad date.

Pitches aren't just for novels. Your game pitch (here's a great one from Rob Donoghue) is built the same way, and can benefit from the same reconstruction. The same is true for your script.

But it all starts with writing SOMETHING, some kind of pitch down. And then getting eyes on it. And hopefully those are objective eyes. Then the rebuilding can begin.

Once the pitch is rebuilt, trust me, you won't want to wait to show it off.

In Part 5 of the series, we'll talk about that formula for making a good pitch.

Happy writing.

Pitch 101: Part 3 - Velcro Theory and the Audience

This is part 3 of an on-going series on how to pitch your product. Part 1 and 2 are available here and here.

Happy Year of Our Alleged Impending Apocalypse! If there was ever a catalyst for you to be productive and successful, it has to be the chance that suddenly all life as we know it could wink out of existence. It's practically a Doctor Who plot. In fact, I think it was.....

So, let's move right along to Part 3 of Pitch 101, and build on what we already know about USPs (Unique Selling Points) and types of pitches. Today, it's going to get a little tricky, as we'll turn the pitch around and consider it from the barrel-end.

Have you ever asked yourself what the audience hears when you pitch? If you've ever pitched to me, you know I have this...quirk/habit of making very clear whether or not you have my attention. This is remarkably helpful for people, but not everyone will have such a transparent audience.

I know the assumption is made and repeated in lots of books and websites that you're fighting an uphill battle when you pitch, that you have only a few gasps of air to relay, hook and interest your audience, and while that is occasionally true, I do have to tell you that the majority of that fear-mongering is designed to drive you deeper into those books and to rely on them, rather than your own natural abilities to be interesting and appealing.

When you pitch, you're not fighting a losing battle. You may have already lost, if your thinking is so negative or sentimental or emotionally suggestive, but the actual act of pitching, the speaking and exploring the idea is not a lost cause. Just as earlier we talked about the foundations of the pitch as being USPs, now we consider the foundation of your target audience-- Interest.

Let's assume you've got three products: A book, a script and a game. For the sake of future arguments, let's say they're all related and that you're developing a "property" (fancy way of saying you're thinking of stuff, write that down and impress your friends) about....Eskimo Assassins.

In the novel, you tell the story of Tim, the Eskimo Assassin sent to Washington to kill a corrupt senator.


In the movie, you tell the same story, but throw in a B-plot about how Tim falls in love with the senator's daughter, saving her from her father's tainted legacy. (Yes, I did totally roll my eyes when I wrote that.)


In the game, you offer the chance to BE Tim. 

We come to the first idea of the lesson:

I. Know the audience. I like the word 'know' more than the word 'consider' here, because you have to be a little deeper and diligent in your thinking. You have to know the sort of people you're talking to, and know what makes them receptive and what turns them off.

In the above 3 products, you're not talking to the same audience 3 times. The book has one group, the script a second and the third a completely different pool. Yes, they may overlap in some regards, but many of those overlaps don't really concern your pitches (they all wear socks, they all think the Star Wars prequels are awful, etc)

Here's the second idea:

II. Find the 'hook point' of the audience. When you think about your audience, the ideal group of people/consumers/aliens/humans who have purchased your product, there were several things that led them to pick up your creation and give you money for it. But of all the factors that contributed or led to the sale, ONE was special for them. That one item (hopefully a USP) 'hooked' them. 

A hook point is the moment where they shift from aware-of-your-product to interested/wanting-your-product. Ever audience has them. When I say audience, I mean at both the macro (group) and the micro (the individual) level.

This is where people freak out. They see that they have to hook the audience, think that their material is rubbish, think that they cannot do it and despair. Common thinking. Absolutely wrong thinking, but it happens.

Write this down, stick it on the wall of the room where you work on your projects:

Velcro! Be the velcro!

Third idea:

III. Velcro theory. When I was a kid, velcro was a godsend. It took me quite a while to get comfortable tying shoes, and years later, that memory of the texture and sound of velcro has stayed with me.

Velcro works by connecting little loops with little hooks.

I'll say that again -- little loops with little HOOKS.

HOOKS. And loops.

Your pitch has hooks in it. Your audience has loops. That audience wants to grab onto the pitch and stick to it, following it along until they're buying your product late one night in a posh hotel suite on their way to a party. (or something, I don't know where you guys buy your games, but hey, it's life)

Build your hooks out of the USPs and whatever your natural talents are. You do have them. You may speak well. You may smile and be beguiling. You maybe express visual ideas clearly. You know your talents. Apply them to expressing your USPs.

The loops you're trying to snare are the interests of the audience, which you've discovered by knowing the audience. That book agent you've just queried, do you think they really have the time to read 800 words about Eskimo Tim? NO. You need to get right to the heart of the action and the story.

The movie producer with the checkbook? They're looking for beats and character growth. Movie Eskimo Tim better have that.

The game purchasing audience? Layout, boobs occasionally and some interesting mechanics all help. (And nice paper....and PDF support....etc) RPG Eskimo Tim has to hit some key targets

Practice making velcro. Get some paper, divide it into two columns. Call one column "Me" and the other "Them" (or if you want to be professional "product" and "audience")

Down the Me/Product column, list your USPs.
Down the Them/Audience column, write out who that appeals to. (Name them)

For example:

Eskimo Tim is a character with a troubled past
-----  people who enjoy stories about redemption


Eskimo Tim RPG is a game with dice pools and incentives
------ people with a large number of d20s


You're going to really be comfortable with Velcro for Part 4 - Pitch Autopsy.

Happy writing.

Pitch 101, Part 2 - Styles & Components

This is Part 2 of Pitch 101.

Previously we talked about the Mindset and principal ingredients of the pitching. Today, we're going deeper. Not quite Inception deeper, but definitely more intensive with our exploration of pitching.

What I have for you today is 3 kinds of pitches and what they're made of. There are in fact more than 3 types of pitches, but I thought it easier to explain these three rather than just dummy up five or six examples and pick them apart. I would rather you learn to build your own than just learn how to knock down existing structures.

Type I: The Emotional Pitch

Designed to answer the question "Why should I pick up this product over a competitor/alternate choice?" The emotional pitch deals more in emotion and sweeping the listening audience into a feeling or state of interest by using more evocative rather than declarative language.

A Sample Emotional Pitch
"Superman is a movie where the character is...super. Fighting for truth, justice and the American way, we follow the nearly impervious Man of Tomorrow as he goes toe-to-toe with Lex Luthor his greatest opponent. With every leap and flight into the air, you'll believe again in what makes good versus evil so compelling."

Yes, that's not my best pitch. It's sort of last minute, as I was originally going to pitch you a product that isn't on shelves yet, then decided it's probably not a good idea to reveal it, since it's not actually my product.

But let's take a look at the above paragraph and see what we have. Whenever you want to build a pitch (or deconstruct one) look for USPs (Unique Selling Points, we talked about them in Part 1). In an Emotional Pitch, also look for the 'appeal to the audience' and the 'emotional language'.

The 'appeal to the audience' is where the pitch either talks directly to the audience or makes a claim that satisfies a presumed audience need.

The 'emotional language' is usually the adjectives or phrases that make the audience feel something. The 'something' is deliberately chosen (Happy language makes you feel happy....etc) and is most often a stumbling block in pitch construction because authors/creators think a sentence or phrase conveys one feeling, when in fact, it says something different.

So, what do we have here?

USPs

• Fighting for truth, justice, the American way
• nearly impervious alien character, Superman
• has an arch-nemesis, Lex Luthor
• Superman leaps and flies

Appeal to the Audience

• "WE follow"
• "You'll believe"

Emotional Language

• "You'll believe again in what makes good versus evil so compelling"
• Fighting for truth justice and the American way presumes those things aren't present enough in society
• An alien character leads us to project onto him our deeper desires and interests - we'll humanize him

An emotional pitch is great for getting people to pick up your product over a competitor's, or for demonstrating that you're passionate about the product, without having to expose any sense that maybe you're not comfortable talking about 'what's under the hood'. You don't need a deeper level of mechanical understanding to operate an Emotional pitch successfully. Passion wins. 

Type II. The Mechanical (or Practical) Pitch

Designed to go into the substance of the product, the Mechanical Pitch extols the facts of the product as USPs. It answers the question, "What does this product have that other products like it (or other products I'll see later) don't have?" and it indirectly answers, "Why should I own this product?"

This is most often the pitch used for selling now or used cars (for example), because it's easier to construct than an Emotional pitch and allows the creator some distance between themselves and the audience. 

A Sample Mechanical Pitch

"The Pyromatic 6000 is the tool of the future, the indispensable device that will reduce yard work to a fraction of the time spent by harnessing man's oldest invention: fire! By projecting concentrated jets of super-charged plasma, you'll remove the weeds in your sidewalk, the dead limbs off trees, the old piles of tires and leaves the clutter your precious greenspace. With a revolutionary water-cooled nuclear engine, the Pyromatic 6000 is recharged by a glass, yes that's right, ONE glass of water! Order yours today."

The components of the Mechanical Pitch don't really change. You retain USPs, probably using a lot more of them. Absent is the appeal to the audience (remember, this pitch puts distance between speaker and listener) but it replaced with "claims of use". Gone too is some of the emotional language, swapped out with a "sense of scarcity or urgency". 

"Claims of Use" detail the specific functions or options of the product, giving the audience insight into how it works or where it can be used. The danger is creating hyperbole, which a listener may construe as fact, and then disappointment when your product isn't actually "the greatest thing since sliced bread".

The "Sense of Scarcity or Urgency" is present in a pitch to encourage people to not wait on making a decision. Scarcity and urgency are tools of a "Call to Action", which is the part of salescopy or presentation that (in the words of the guy who taught me this) "gets people off their asses and makes them hand you money for whatever you've done." (Note: Near the end of his life, he stopped saying it was a 'call to action' and starting calling it the 'Fuck you, pay me' moment of writing and presenting. I miss him dearly.)

When a consumer believes a product is hard to find, or that there are few of them and they may miss out, this may lead them to purchase the item sooner rather than later. The danger here is many-fold. You, creator, can assume that they'll run right to your product, and they may not. They may assume they have more time to wait and decide. You may decide that you're not spurring them fast enough because you're impatient or crushingly near-sighted and you've forgotten which one of you is 'in charge' of this buyer-seller relationship (here's a tip: Neither of you is 'in charge', it's a collaborative, cooperative relationship).

Scarcity and Urgency are potential red flags for products, and I urge you to be cautious in using language to suggest or imply quicker consumer decisions. If your product won't actually hold up to scrutiny, why are you rushing? The money, I swear to you, will come. Take the time to make the best product possible, and do whatever is within your budget to prevent having to get underhanded with scare tactics. 

Now let's break this down:

USPs

• The name, Pyromatic 6000, sounds cool
• Reduces the amount of yard work someone has to do
• Shoots concentrated jets of plasma
• Removes weeds
• Repairs trees
• Reduces yard clutter
• Nuclear-engine
• Powered by 1 glass of water

Claims of Use

• Reduces the amount of yard work someone has to do
• Shoots concentrated jets of plasma
• Removes weeds
• Repairs trees
• Reduces yard clutter

Hyperbole

• "Indispensable"
• "tool of the future"
• Reduce yardwork to "a fraction of the time"

Interest-Building

• Order yours today!

Type III. The Thematic Pitch

Combining material of the above two pitches, we conclude today with a Thematic pitch. Designed to answer the question "What experience am I going to have with your product?" or "How does the combination of creator and product interest me?", a Thematic pitch takes the best components from the above pitches and turns them all the way to eleven. Or twelve. Or if you're really cool, infinity plus one. 

A thematic pitch uses a combination of USPs, hyperbole, appeals to the audience and a new element "product tone" to grab the audience securely and keep them paying attention. 

"Product tone" is the mood/feel/vibe of your product. Usually an adjective or string of adjectives it's your theme, honed now into a commercial hook. 

A Sample Thematic Pitch, (this one's for Jenn)

"Are you tired of typical games where it's all about rolling a lot of dice and announcing that you'll use a broadsword plus-your mom to kill the dragon that will likely eat you? Are you tired of having to keep quiet about your plans for world domination? Then this is the solution for you. Project Ninja Panda Taco. As a Mastermind ready to dominate the planet, you and a team of minions race towards success, with only player democracy and other Masterminds between you and sweet glorious victory. In this intensely fun collaborative game for up to six, you can make your fondest desires of despotism come true. Pre-orders available soon, stay tuned to Jennisodes.com for more information."

Here, a good presenter brings all skills to bear. Appealing to audience in a conversational, but not oil-slick way and creating interest by evoking desired emotion or experience. These emotions are supported by USPs and validated through more audience appeal, which prompts more USP generation, and everything cycles forward.

The breakdown:

USPs

• Not a lot of dice rolling
• Not a 'typical game'
• This game is pro-world domination
• A fun game for up to 6 players
• There are Masterminds and Minions
• It is a collaborative game
• Information is available at Jennisodes.com

Appeals to the Audience

• "Are you tired"
• "you'll use a broadsword plus-your mom"
• "this is the solution for you"
• "you can make your fondest desires come true"

Product Tone

• Fun, collaborative, atypical game of world conquest

Claims of Use

• Collaboration, implied without many limits on invention
• This game is fun for up to six players
• You get to be a Mastermind, bent on winning

Hyperbole

• "broadsword-plus your mom"
• "typical games"
• "sweet glorious victory"
• "intensely fun collaborative game"

Interest-Building

• "Pre-orders available soon"

Wow, that's a lot of information. But a good pitch has a lot of components available for dissection, and not of them vestigial. 

What I recommend you do is write out your pitch, even if you're not done developing the product, and start breaking down the components as I've done here. You'll give yourself a nice road map of what you like and don't like and where you need to go. 

It will be annoying, sometimes, but hard work is always rewarded. And yes, before you say anything else, yes you can do this. Honest.

In part 3, (up after the holiday), we'll look at some sample pitches and we'll talk about what the audience hears/reads/interprets from them.

Happy writing, and enjoy your holiday weekend. Unless you're a jerk or something, but if that's the case, then we're not talking. 

Rock on.

Pitch 101: Step 1 - The Mindset & Selling Points

What follows is the start of a series on how to pitch your product to other people. It doesn't matter if that product is a book, a game, a film script or your business, pitching is a critical skill and knowing how to do it can easily separate you from the rest of the competition.

Before we get into the first component of Pitching, there are some ground rules. Not many, don't panic.

I. You're not always 'on'. One of the big hurdles for people, especially when they're new, is that they think anytime someone asks about what they're doing, they have to launch into some well-rehearsed and stiffly-acted presentation, with broad gestures to invisible powerpoint slides. You don't. You don't. I repeat: You don't.

There is a valuable skill in knowing when you have to give a formal description, and when you're just explaining your material over a burrito to a bunch of friends. To better determine when you have to be on, ask yourself two questions:

a.) Do the results of this situation lead my product one step closer toward publication, or is this just chat?
b.) Did this situation arise because it's organized to be about my product, or did we come to the topic of my product through conversation?

If you answered "yes" to the first half of either question, then you're on. If not, be cool and relax, and talk in more relaxed ways.

II. There isn't a 'perfect', just 'moving forward'. Many people freeze when they think about talking about their product because they often want to give the 'perfect' answer to whatever question they just heard, as answers are like Highlander or the One Ring and there's a definite top to some pyramid. There isn't. And every time you think so, you're hurting your own cause in major way.

You didn't get asked questions because people are testing your sense of perfection - you got asked questions because the book/game/script/whatever interests someone else.

All you have to do in those moments is move the conversation forward. Just like flirting. Just like a job interview. Just like the weird conversations you have waiting in lines. Move things forward, keep the momentum alive.

Each of your answers, as long as it's positive and/or constructive in somewhat about the question, moves things along. Hopefully to the next question. Hopefully forward to other questions that maybe the interviewer didn't prepare in advance. It should be, at its best, organic, just like conversation.

Which leads to the third rule of pitching.

III. It's a conversation, not rocket science. A good pitch is talking. A bad pitch is silence. A good conversation is talking. A bad conversation is silence. A good time is talking. A bad time is silence. See the point I'm making here? If you're still talking, you're doing it right. And it's only ever talking.

Sometimes yes, it's talking while standing or while sitting or while in front of a room, but it's only ever talking. They're not going to ask you to describe a part of your product while performing brain surgery using celery and a spatula. You aren't going to have to calculate re-entry velocities for a Martian space probe, you won't have to defuse a bomb in the basement of Fort Knox. You're having a conversation about something you're passionate and knowledgeable about.

Load those three rules into your brain, digest them completely and practice them often. Yes, often. At whatever stage of development you're at. Just started writing today? Then this is what you have to look forward to. Did you just write 'The End' on it? Then this is the next step.

This is the Pitch Mindset. Well, technically, this is my pitch mindset and I'm hoping it becomes your pitch mindset too. It can be, with some practice. Not always easy practice, if you're like me and you catch yourself kicking your own ass or you go into a situation with the expectation of epic failure, but with practice, you can change that, and lubricate those creative ideas in this special I-can-do-it-sauce.

Just like GI Joe, this was half the battle.

For the next half, we better take a look at some of the actual words you can use, unless you're pitching telepathically. (If you are, we should talk, or mind meld or use the Force or whatever) The other stumbling block for people is what to actually say.

Seriously, it's like the words evaporate from the folds of your brain or something. I know. Your palms get all sweaty and your stomach gets all queasy, just like that time in eighth grade when you saw Karen in Home Ec (I may have said too much there), and then when you try to talk, your brain makes the jump to lightspeed and you end up runningallthewordstogetherlikeyou'regoingtorunoutofairortimeorsomething. And then you stand there exhausted and panting like you just performed in a bad musical.

Remember this sentence --  

When in doubt, talk about the shiny.

The "shiny" is what makes your game unique. It could be mechanics you use (no one else uses seven-sided die like this), it could be your plot (epic battle as a robot version of Duran Duran!) or it could be the way you're going to distribute copies (When you buy a six pack of Suddso Beer, you get a free download!)

Now, this means you have to find your shiny. So break out the legal pad, and let's get to work. Here's the Shiny Detection Questionnaire:

1. What are you most excited to talk about when you're asked about your product?
2. What do you think is the best part (so far) of the development process?
3. Where did you struggle, and how did you overcome it? (The overcoming part is CRITICAL)
4. What are you excited to do next with your product?
5. Name up to 3 things/scenes/beats/moments your game/book/script has that you're proud of.

Write down all your answers. Try to get them into sentences, but if you can't, phrases are good too.

The answers to those questions are called "Unique Selling Points" (USPs), and you can reward yourself for receiving the same amount of knowledge as one semester of marketing in college! Hooray college credit!

You're going to want to cobble together a TON of Unique Selling Points. You shouldn't repeat information, but they don't always need to be cookie cutter sentences. Here are some USPs for a script I wrote last year.

• I coined the euphemism "cunty deposit box"
• You actually meet two cat burglars who burgle cats.
• For ninety minutes, you practically drown in a weekend with the main character, Jared.
• It's a movie about drug dealers that isn't inherently racist. 

USPs are the currency you spend in your pitch to entice people to buy your product. You give them USPs, they give you currency. It's a wonderful economy.

I strongly strongly recommend you practice USP development as often as possible, at least until you exhaust all your shiny resources (go back to your Feel Document and Note Cards, don't forget). Strip mine the idea...because you never know when the little scribble you had on the bottom of a card is going to turn into the big hook for a consumer. 

Before I end this post, let me just tell you, remind you, and convince you that you can do this. It's just talking about what you love. Throw on some blinders until you soak that idea into your genes. No, don't start telling me some bullshit about how this proves you're successful, don't be silly - you were successful the minute you started the product. Don't you dare tell me this is too complicated - it's just a conversation and all you have to do is move it forward. 

You can do this. For realsies.

In Part 2, we'll construct some sample pitches. Look for it later in the week.